I realize that I wrote “perfectly rational” and “ too paranoid to keep a job” in the same breath, but what I’m trying to express is not whether he is ill, which is an absolute, but whether or not there are different degrees to this illness?

I certainly agree that I have moments of denial, but I know that he needs help, wake up every morning with the hope that this day will be the one when I convince him to see the Psychologist, and I am doing my best to get him to understand that. I am in contact with community organizations and have devoted the last months towards pleading, begging, screaming, arguing, and threatening… whatever I could think of to get him to the next step. And we do move forward, though we tend to hit major hurdles on the way.

The process is nowhere near as straight forward as it ought to be  : )

It’s not going very well now, because he does appear to think “rationally” on so many other levels, that he uses that as ammunition.

For example, he asks how someone who is ill could re-build the deck; renovate our basement, and record new music and songs, etc… All this is proof that he is perfectly normal, and all would be absolute paradise in our lives if the “others” would leave him alone. He never brings the “others” up unless prompted. Pointing out that thinking that there are “others” in the first place is what makes him ill is rebuffed.

I guess my question is more about degenerative properties of the illness. Is it possible that he stays at this level of “lucidity” for a long period of time? I realize that it will inevitably get worse and he more and more caught up in his paranoia, but he now claims that things are getting better. That “people are finally leaving him alone”..  

I don’t know which I am hoping for… the first means he may not accept he is ill for months (years?) and delay getting the crucial help that he needs, while the second might mean involuntary hospitalization and having the police come and take him away…

Maybe I am being naïve, but I would love to figure out a way to get him to “see the light” without it being forced upon him… otherwise it’s like we actually are part of a conspiracy to manipulate him, and it really IS for his own good.

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