You are currently browsing the daily archive for August 21, 2007.

I realize that I wrote “perfectly rational” and “ too paranoid to keep a job” in the same breath, but what I’m trying to express is not whether he is ill, which is an absolute, but whether or not there are different degrees to this illness?

I certainly agree that I have moments of denial, but I know that he needs help, wake up every morning with the hope that this day will be the one when I convince him to see the Psychologist, and I am doing my best to get him to understand that. I am in contact with community organizations and have devoted the last months towards pleading, begging, screaming, arguing, and threatening… whatever I could think of to get him to the next step. And we do move forward, though we tend to hit major hurdles on the way.

The process is nowhere near as straight forward as it ought to be  : )

It’s not going very well now, because he does appear to think “rationally” on so many other levels, that he uses that as ammunition.

For example, he asks how someone who is ill could re-build the deck; renovate our basement, and record new music and songs, etc… All this is proof that he is perfectly normal, and all would be absolute paradise in our lives if the “others” would leave him alone. He never brings the “others” up unless prompted. Pointing out that thinking that there are “others” in the first place is what makes him ill is rebuffed.

I guess my question is more about degenerative properties of the illness. Is it possible that he stays at this level of “lucidity” for a long period of time? I realize that it will inevitably get worse and he more and more caught up in his paranoia, but he now claims that things are getting better. That “people are finally leaving him alone”..  

I don’t know which I am hoping for… the first means he may not accept he is ill for months (years?) and delay getting the crucial help that he needs, while the second might mean involuntary hospitalization and having the police come and take him away…

Maybe I am being naïve, but I would love to figure out a way to get him to “see the light” without it being forced upon him… otherwise it’s like we actually are part of a conspiracy to manipulate him, and it really IS for his own good.

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More about our situation…

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My 28 yr old husband of 10 years is exhibiting what appears’ to be psychosis, or more specifically paranoid delusions. He feels there is a large conspiracy out there, of which now everyone he knows (including me) is a part of. The only ones not privy to this plan are our 2 kids (4 & 9) He feels we are all trying to manipulate him into doing things or going in a direction with his career that he doesn’t  want to go in. It’s like we’re all trying to get him to do something that we think is for his own good. He feels that we are trying to help him, but that he does not want this help. He is not afraid of “them”, but simply angry at the invasion of his privacy and the perceived affront on his dignity.

He’s escalated from workplace paranoia, to people on the street, in stores and now his own family. He also thinks that people “know” what he says to himself. He thinks that his words, when spoken to himself out loud (we’ve not yet reached the points of thoughts being read), alone in the house or working out in the yard, are being broadcast to this great secretive society via radio and internet podcasts.

It is clear to me that he is have paranoid delusions, and we have been able to visit a GP and a psychiatrist at the local Psychiatric clinic, but he refuses to follow through and complete the assessment. We are left with no “official” diagnosis.

When I spoke with his psychiatrist, she said that he was having a psychotic episode. However, she refused to give me dx, as the assessment depended on receiving the input of a Psychologist in order to be completed. He won’t go. He thinks nothing is wrong with him. He thinks if I would simply stop listening to “those disgusting and misguided people” and our life would be perfect. It would appear that I hold all the answers for him.

My question those of you on the forum with more experience is: is it possible for someone who most probably is Paranoid Schizophrenic, to be loving, active, communicative, alert, and almost always rational in everyday life? True he cannot hold down a job due to massive paranoia he encounters in the workplace, and feels that even interviews for prospective jobs are fixed, and part of the “greater scheme”, but in every single other aspect of his life, he is fine.

I feel that it would be SO easy for me to slip into denial, as long as I don’t ask certain “instigating” questions, he seems perfectly rational.

Can there by mild forms or paranoia, or is it something that will progressively get worse, if left untreated?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

The whole day’s gone by… been distracting myself… delusions in my own right… anything to allow for denial I guess. Only it doesn’t feel like denial. I mean, I know I have to get him to go back and complete his assessment.. We need answers, we need a plan. I NEED A F&^* PLAN!
But yet I’ve not confronted him today. Kids were here with us (8 & 4) so not the best scenario.
I am tired… so tired lately. Out of steam, though I’m not allowed to ever run out am I? Not yet, not now…
Tomorrow’s another day.
Tomorrow I make it all happen.

Posting Calandar

August 2007
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Quote of the moment

“Maybe thats what hell is. You go mad, and all your demons come and get you just as fast as you can think them up.” ~ Anne Rice
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